I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
