U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
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