In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
You've changed since you got that strap on
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
