he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
i will never coherently bang her
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Randomize
