it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
