she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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