so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
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