It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Don't EVER smell your tampon
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Randomize
