If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
