Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
