The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
worst night to have a conscience
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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