I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
