You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Four minutes until I can fart!
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
