I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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