please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Randomize
