Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
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