Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
