Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
