Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Randomize
