oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
