Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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