So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
