I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
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