Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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