remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
