So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
did i just pee glitter
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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