note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I said "one day" and that day is not today
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I know her cup size but not her name....
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