I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
even my farts smell like vagina
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
