Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
