I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
