enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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