At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Randomize
