oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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