My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Randomize
