Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
i think i have two assholes
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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