go do what you do best...puke behind churches
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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