Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Randomize