I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
