Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
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