my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
They are going to name an STD after you.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
