he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
