Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
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