White coat. Heels.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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