you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
