we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Your penis caused this!
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