i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Randomize
