Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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