i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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