Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
