You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
