...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Randomize
