He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
My apartment stinks of burning failure
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
