he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
