it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Randomize
