i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
