She's like a pop up book from hell.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
