And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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