There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
