apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I would fuck him just for his dog
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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