I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
