Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
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