i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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