I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Randomize
