So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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