Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Randomize
