This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I came so hard my ears popped.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
