Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
