I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
